Before the New Year began, on a bus to New York, I read every one of my journal entries from 2023. I listed people who had profound impacts on me (personal or not), the things I tried that didn’t work, and things I’m carrying with me into 2024. Here are the top 5 lessons from that collection.
1. Do not Shame Yourself
Change is made through kindness, not by beating ourselves up
Prior to 2023, many of my journal entries detailed shame. Constantly chiding myself for not working hard enough, for sleeping in too late, for not working out enough, etc. I was shocked at how cruel I was to myself.
Luckily, I had a friend who told me to practice kindness and patience. At first I joked, “I think I’m a little too kind to myself” referring to my lack of hard work and number of “rest days” I’d take. “No such thing”, they said and explained kindness is not the same as permisiveness. They made me realize that even when things don’t go my way or I didn’t get something done, I can recognize it without beating myself up.
2. We Cannot Change Others
An obvious statement, but when someone who’s close to you is doing things that torment you with anxiety and stress, all you want to do is try to change them. To convince them to stop their behaviors but then be disappointed in them for not doing so.
Recgonize that the person may never change. Now ask yourself, what can you do for yourself so that you feel happier.
This difference between what we can do and what we can’t do in a stressful situation will always be tough to recognize, but doing so can offer a peace of mind.
3. You Aren’t Lazy, You’re Just Working on Something That’s Boring
In 2023 I ended my first company. A decision I never wanted to follow through with. But when I did — I felt the greatest relief.
I had kept the company running for so long because I didn’t want to give up how much work I had already put in. If I could just market it better, I’d tell myself. If I could just work the long hours like in the stories of successful entrepreneurs, I thought, then I too would be successful. Yet, I dreaded getting up in the morning and working on this company. I felt unmotivated and that made me feel lazy.
So I shut it down.
A lot of founders try something and fail and assume that they just can’t work hard enough or don’t have enough energy or passion and that’s actually not true. It’s just that that thing didn’t work and what you should do is shut that company down, go on vacation and try again. When you look at really successful people and say, “How do they get all those things done,” they have the benefit of momentum and momentum is energizing. The lack of momentum is really not energizing.
— Sam Altman
4. If You Don’t Ask the Right Questions, Then You’ll End up with the Wrong Analysis
While living in New York, I had the opportunity to enroll in a course titled Revolutionary Feminism. The course was intsense and interrogative. We scrutinized many fundamental assumptions of society and economics. A pivotal lesson that stuck with me the most was this one: if you ask the wrong questions, you will end up with the wrong analysis and that can make us feel doomed. It can cause us to believe that change won’t happen.
I’ve come to appreciate broadening the spectrum of opinions I listen to beyond familiar echo chambers. Engaging with the memoir of the revolutionary Assata Shakur to the startup opinions of venture capitalist Peter Thiel seems to be fickle, but it has been humbling. Rather than positioning myself as an authority, I’ve found greater enrichment in embracing the complexity and diversity of perspectives that exist. In doing so, I’ve cultivated a deeper understanding of the nuanced tapestry of human experiences and ideologies.
Being able to know what the variety of ideas are allows me to ask better questions and keeps me intentional on what I choose to study or work on. Rather than believe the world is doomed by captialism or on the other hand believe that technology will optimisitically save us, I’ve become prudent on working on projects that deal very specifically with the material reality of everyday workers.
5. Build Personal Tools that Cater to How Your Brain Works Rather than Catering Your Workflows to Productivity Apps
I’d always searched for the perfect productivity tools. If I could find them, I figured I’d always be on top of my work. The problem is that we all do things differently. There will never be a one-size fits all type task manager app because everyone’s brains are different. Instead of trying to adapt your brain to the workflows of these tools, build tools that instead cater to how you think.
If you’re a coder, that could mean that you can build your own tools. But I’ve also found the Bullet Journaling Method to be effective as a mindfulness practice compared to automated tooling.